The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 4. Visions

I went dressing to school. This was the rightfield affaire to do, the most inconspicuous vogue to be commence.By the end of the day, or so e real last(predicate) the new(prenominal) students had returned to class, to a fault. Just Tyler and Bella and a few others who were in all likelihood using the accident as a chance to ditch remained absent.It shouldnt be so concentrated for me to do the right thing. scarcely, tout ensemble afternoon, I was gritting my teeth once morest the urge that had me yearning ditch, too in order to go find the daughter again.Like a stalker. An obsessessed stalker. An obsessessed, vampire stalker.School today was somehow, impossibly even more boring than it had mootmed estimable a week ago. Coma-like. It was as if the color had drained from the bricks, the trees, the sky, the faces near me I st a departure at the cracks in the walls.There was a nonher right thing I should be doingthat I was non. Of course, it was as well as a wrong t hing. It all depended on the perspective from which you settinged it.From the perspective of a Cullen not proficient a vampire, only when a Cullen, some bingle who be wanted to a family, such a rare state in our world the right thing to do would have gone something like thisIm surprised to see you in class, Edward. I hear you were involved in that awful accident this morning.Yes, I was, Mr. Banner, entirely I was the halcyon one. A friendly smile. I didnt get hurt at all I wish I could say the same for Tyler and Bella.How are they?I think Tyler is fine estimable some superficial scrapes from the windscreen grouch. Im not sure around Bella, though. A worried fr avow. She might have a concussion. I heard she was pretty incoherent for a while seeing things even. I kat once the doctors were worriedThats how it should have gone. Thats what I owed my family.Im surprised to see you in class, Edward. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning.I wasnt hurt. No s mile.Mr. Banner shifted his weight from foot to foot, uncomfor tabularise.Do you have any brain how Tyler Crowley and Bella Swan are? I heard there were some injuriesI shrugged. I wouldnt bop.Mr. Banner cleared his throat. Er, right he utter, my cold stare making his voice sound a bit strained.He walked quickly back to the front of class live and began his lecture.It was the wrong thing to do. Unless you looked at it from a more obscure point of view.It just seemed soso unchivalrous to slander the missy arse her back, especially when she was proving more trus devilrthy than I could have dreamed. She hadnt said anything to betray me, despite having good reason to do so. Would I betray her when she had overhear nothing besides hold in my secret?I had a nearly identical conversation with Mrs. Goff just in Spanish rather than in English and Emmett gave me a long look.I hope you have a good explanation for what happened today. move up is on the warpath.I rolled my eyes withou t looking at him.I turnually had come up with a perfectly sound explanation. Just suppose I hadnt done anything to stop the van from crushing the girl I recoiled from that thought. unless if she had been knock, if shed been mangled and bleeding, the red changeful spilling, wasting on the blacktop, the scent of the fresh blood pulsing through the air I shuddered again, only not just in horror. Part of me shivered in desire. No, I would not have been able to read her bleed without exposing us all in a frequently more flagrant and shocking behavior.It was a perfectly sound exc usancebut I wouldnt use it. It was too shameful. And I hadnt thought of it until long after the fact, regardless.Look out for Jasper, Emmett went on, oblivious to my reverie. Hes not as angrybut hes more resolved.I maxim what he entailt, and for a moment the room swam around me. My rage was so all-consuming that a red haze clouded my vision. I thought I would choke on it.SHEESH, EDWARD GET A comprehe nd Emmett shouted at me in his liberty chit. His hand came down on my shoulder, holding me in my seat originally I could jump to my feet. He rarely used his full strength there was rarely a need, for he was so much stronger than any vampire any of us had ever encountered but he used it now. He gripped my arm, rather than pushing me down. If hed been pushing, the chair under me would have col buy the farmd.EASY He ordered.I tried and true to calm myself, but it was hard. The rage burned in my head.Jaspers not termination to do anything until we all talk. I just thought you should sleep together the direction hes headed.I concentrated on relaxing, and I entangle Emmetts hand loosen.Try not to make more of a spectacle of yourself. Youre in copious trouble as it is. I took a deep breath and Emmett released me.I searched around the room routinely, but our confrontation had been so short and silent that only a few people sitting behind Emmett had even noticed. no(prenominal) of them knew what to make of it, and they shrugged it off. The Cullens were freaks everyone knew that already.Damn, kid, youre a mess, Emmett added, sympathy in his tone.Bite me, I muttered under my breath, and I heard his blue chuckle.Emmett didnt hold grudges, and I probably ought to be more grateful for his easy issue nature. But I could see that Jaspers intentions made sense to Emmett, that he was considering how it might be the best course of action.The rage simmered, in addition under control. Yes, Emmett was stronger than I was, but hed even so to beat me in a w respiteling match. He claimed that this was because I cheated, but hearing thoughts was just as much a part of who I was as his wide strength was a part of him. We were evenly matched in a fight.A fight? Was that where this was headed? Was I going to fight with my family over a human I barely knew?I thought about that for a moment, thought about the fragile feel of the girls body in my arms in juxtaposition with Jasper, Rose, and Emmett preternaturally strong and fast, butchering machines by natureYes, I would fight for her. Against my family. I shuddered.But it wasnt fair to bring home the bacon her undefended when I was the one whod put her in danger.I couldnt win alone, though, not against the three of them, and I wondered who my allies would be.Carlisle, certainly. He would not fight anyone, but he would be wholly against Roses and Jaspers designs. That might be all I needed. I would seeEsme, doubtful. She would not side against me either, and she would hate to disagree with Carlisle, but she would be for any plan that kept her family intact. Her first priority would not be rightness, but me. If Carlisle was the soul of our family, then Esme was the heart. He gave us a leader who deserved following she made that following into an act of love. We all loved each other even under the fury I matte toward Jasper and Rose right now, even planning to fight them to save the girl, I knew that I loved them. AliceI had no idea. It would probably depend on what she saw coming. She would side with the winner, I imagined.So, I would have to do this without help. I wasnt a match for them alone, but I wasnt going to let the girl be hurt because of me. That might wet evasive action My rage dulled a bit with the sudden, black humor. I could imagine how the girl would react to my kidnapping her. Of course, I rarely guessed her reactions right but what other reaction could she have besides terror?I wasnt sure how to manage that, though kidnapping her. I wouldnt be able to carrel existence windup to her for very long. Perhaps I would just deliver her back to her mother. purge that much would be fraught with danger. For her.And also for me, I realized suddenly. If I were to kill her by accident I wasnt certain exactly how much pain that would cause me, but I knew it would be multifaceted and intense.The conviction passed quickly while I mulled over all the complications ahead of me the argument waiting for me at home, the fighting with my family, the lengths I might be forced to go to afterwardWell, I couldnt complain that life extracurricular this school was monotonous any more. The girl had changed that much.Emmett and I walked silently to the car when the bell rang. He was distressful about me, and worrying about Rosalie. He knew whose side he would have to choose in a quarrel, and it bothered him.The others were waiting for us in the car, also silent. We were a very quiet group. Only I could hear the shouting.Idiot Lunatic Moron Jackass Selfish, irresponsible fool Rosalie kept up a constant stream of insults at the top of her mental lungs. It made it hard to hear the others, but I ignored her as best I could.Emmett was right about Jasper. He was sure of his course.Alice was troubled, worrying about Jasper, flipping through images of the future. No government issue which direction Jasper came at the girl, Alice always saw me there, blocking him. Interesting uncomplete Rosalie nor Emmett was with him in these visions. So Jasper planned to work alone. That would even things up.Jasper was the best, certainly the most experienced fighter among us. My one advantage lay in that I could hear his moves before he made them.I had never fought more than playfully with Emmett or Jasper just horsing around. I felt sick at the thought of really emphasiseing to hurt JasperNo, not that. Just to block him. That was all.I concentrated on Alice, memorizing Jaspers different avenues of attack.As I did that, her visions shifted, moving further and further away from the Swans house. I was cutting him off earlier conceal that, Edward It cant happen this way. I wont let it.I didnt retort her, I just kept watching.She began searching farther ahead, into the misty, unsure realm of distant possibilities. Everything was shadowy and vague.The entire way home, the charged inhibit did not lift. I parked in the big garage off the house Carlisle s Mercedes was there, next to Emmetts big jeep, Roses M3 and my Vanquish. I was mirthful Carlisle was already home this silence would end explosively, and I wanted him there when that happened.We went straight to the dining room.The room was, of course, never used for its intended purpose. But it was furnished with a long oval mahogany skirt surrounded by chairs we were scrupulous about having all the correct props in place. Carlisle liked to use it as a conference room. In a group with such strong and disparate personalities, sometimes it was necessary to discuss things in a calm, seated manner.I had a feeling that the setting was not going to help much today.Carlisle sat in his usual seat at the eastern head of the room. Esme was beside him they held hands on top of the table.Esmes eyes were on me, their golden depths full of concern.Stay. It was her only thought.I wished I could smile at the woman who was truly a mother to me, but I had no reassurances for her now.I sat on C arlisles other side. Esme reached around him to put her free hand on my shoulder. She had no idea of what was about to start she was just worrying about me.Carlisle had a better sense of what was coming. His lips were pressed tightly together and his forehead was creased. The expression looked too old for his young face. As everyone else sat, I could see the lines world drawn.Rosalie sat directly across from Carlisle, on the other end of the long table. She glared at me, never looking away.Emmett sat beside her, his face and thoughts both wry.Jasper hesitated, and then went to stand against the wall behind Rosalie. He was decided, regardless of the essence of this discussion. My teeth locked together.Alice was the last to come in, and her eyes were focused on something far away the future, still too indistinct for her to make use of it. Without seeming to think about it, she sat next to Esme. She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. Jasper twitched uneasily and considere d joining her, but he kept his place.I took a deep breath. I had started this I should speak first.Im sorry, I said, looking first at Rose, then Jasper and then Emmett. I didnt convey(a) to put any of you at risk. It was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty action.Rosalie glared at me balefully. What do you mean, take full responsibility? Are you going to fix it?Not the way you mean, I said, working to keep my voice even and quiet. Im willing to leave now, if that makes things better. If I believe that the girl will be safe, if I believe that none of you will touch her, I amended in my head.No, Esme murmured. No, Edward.I patted her hand. Its just a few years.Esmes right, though, Emmett said. You cant go anywhere now. That would be the opposite of helpful. We have to know what people are thinking, now more than ever.Alice will catch anything major, I disagreed. Carlisle shook his head. I think Emmett is right, Edward. The girl will be more likely to talk if yo u disappear. Its all of us leave, or none of us.She wont say anything, I insisted quickly. Rose was building up to the explosion, and I wanted this fact out there first.You dont know her mind, Carlisle reminded me.I know this much. Alice, back me up.Alice stared up at me wearily. I cant see what will happen if we just ignore this. She glanced at Rose and Jasper.No, she couldnt see that future not when Rosalie and Jasper were so decided against ignoring the incident.Rosalies palm smacked down on the table with a loud bang. We cant allow the human a chance to say anything. Carlisle, you must see that. Even if we decided to all disappear, its not safe to leave stories behind us. We live so differently from the rest of our kind you know there are those who would love an excuse to point fingers. We have to be more careful than anyone elseWeve left rumors behind us before, I reminded her.Just rumors and suspicions, Edward. Not eyewitnesses and evidenceEvidence I scoffed.But Jasper was n odding, his eyes hard.Rose Carlisle began.Let me finish, Carlisle. It doesnt have to be any big production. The girl hit her head today. So maybe that injury turns out to be more serious that it looked. Rosalie shrugged. Every deathly goes to sleep with the chance of never waking up. The others would expect us to clean up after ourselves. Technically, that would make it Edwards job, but this is obviously beyond him. You know Im capable of control. I would leave no evidence behind me.Yes, Rosalie, we all know how proficient an assassin you are, I snarled.She hissed at me, furious.Edward, please, Carlisle said. Then he turned to Rosalie. Rosalie, I looked the other way in Rochester because I felt that you were owed your justice. The men you killed had wronged you monstrously. This is not the same situation. The Swan girl is an innocent.Its not personal, Carlisle, Rosalie said through her teeth. Its to protect us all.There was a brief moment of silence while Carlisle thought through his answer. When he nodded, Rosalies eyes lit up. She should have known better. Even if I hadnt been able to read his thoughts, I could have anticipated his next words. Carlisle never compromised.I know you mean well, Rosalie, butId like very much for our family to be worth protecting. The occasionalaccident or lapse in control is a regrettable part of who we are. It was very like him to include himself in the plural, though he had never had such a lapse himself. To murder a blameless child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe the risk she presents, whether she speaks her suspicions or not, is nothing to the great risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk something much more important. We risk losing the essence of who we are.I controlled my expression very carefully. It wouldnt do at all to grin. Or to applaud, as I wished I could.Rosalie scowled. Its just being responsible.Its being callous, Carlisle corrected gently. Every life is precious. Rosalie sighed heavily and her lower lip pouted out. Emmett patted her shoulder. Itll be fine, Rose, he encouraged in a low voice.The question, Carlisle continued, is whether we should move on?No, Rosalie moaned. We just got settled. I dont want to start on my sophomore year in high school againYou could keep your present age, of course, Carlisle said.And have to move again that much sooner? she countered.Carlisle shrugged.I like it here Theres so little sun, we get to be almost normal.Well, we certainly dont have to decide now. We can wait and see if it becomes necessary. Edward seems certain of the Swan girls silence.Rosalie snorted.But I was no longer worried about Rose. I could see that she would go along with Carlisles decision, not matter how infuriated she was with me. Their conversation had moved on to unimportant details.Jasper remained unmoved.I understood why. Before he and Alice had met, hed lived in a combat zone, a relentless theater of war. He knew the consequences of flout ing the rules hed seen the grisly aftermath with his own eyes.It said much that he had not tried to calm Rosalie down with his extra faculties, nor did he now try to rile her up. He was holding himself aloof from this discussion above it.Jasper, I said.He met my gaze, his face expressionless.She wont founder for my mistake. I wont allow that.She benefits from it, then? She should have died today, Edward. I would only set that right.I retell myself, evince each word. I will not allow it.His eyebrows shot up. He wasnt expecting this he hadnt imagined that I would act to stop him.He shook his head once. I wont let Alice live in danger, even a slight danger. You dont feel about anyone the way I feel about her, Edward, and you havent lived through what Ive lived through, whether youve seen my memories or not. You dont understand.Im not disputing that, Jasper. But Im telling you now, I wont allow you to hurt Isabella Swan.We stared at each other not blazing, but measuring the oppo sition. I felt him sample the mood around me, testing my determination.Jazz, Alice said, interrupting us.He held my gaze for a moment more, and then looked at her. Dont bother telling me you can protect yourself, Alice. I already know that. Ive still got to Thats not what Im going say, Alice interrupted. I was going to ask you for a favor.I saw what was on her mind, and my mouth fell open with an audible gasp. I stared at her, shocked, only vaguely aware that everyone besides Alice and Jasper was now eyeing me warily.I know you love me. Thanks. But I would really appreciate it if you didnt try to kill Bella. First of all, Edwards serious and I dont want you two fighting. Secondly, shes my friend. At least, shes going to be.It was clear as glass in her head Alice, smiling, with her icy white arm around the girls warm, fragile shoulders. And Bella was smiling, too, her arm around Alices waist. The vision was rock solid only the timing of it was unsure.ButAlice Jasper gasped. I could nt manage to turn my head to see his expression. I couldnt tear myself away from the image in Alices head in order to hear his.Im going to love her someday, Jazz. Ill be very put out with you if you dont let her be.I was still locked into Alices thoughts. I saw the future shimmer as Jaspers resolve floundered in the face of her unexpected request.Ah, she sighed his indecision had cleared a new future. See? Bellas not going to say anything. Theres nothing to worry about.The way she said the girls call inlike they were already close confidants Alice, I choked. Whatdoes this?I told you there was a change coming. I dont know, Edward. But she locked her jaw, and I could see that there was more. She was trying not to think about it she was focusing very hard on Jasper suddenly, though he was too stunned to have progressed much in his decision making.She did this sometimes when she was trying to keep something from me. What, Alice? What are you hiding?I heard Emmett grumble. He always go t frustrated when Alice and I had these kinds of conversations.She shook her head, trying to not let me in.Is it about the girl? I demanded. Is it about Bella?She had her teeth gritted in concentration, but when I spoke Bellas name, she slipped. Her slip only lasted the tiniest portion of a second, but that was long enough. NO I shouted. I heard my chair hit the floor, and only then realized I was on my feet.Edward Carlisle was on his feet, too, his arm on my shoulder. I was barely aware of him.Its solidifying, Alice whispered. Every minute youre more decided.Therere really only two ways left for her. Its one or the other, Edward. I could see what she sawbut I could not accept it.No, I said again there was no volume to my denial. My legs felt hollow, and I had to brace myself against the table.Will somebody please let the rest of us in on the mystery? Emmett complained. I have to leave, I whispered to Alice, ignoring him.Edward, weve already been over that, Emmett said loudly. Thats the best way to start the girl talking. Besides, if you take off, we wont know for sure if shes talking or not. You have to stay and conceive with this.I dont see you going anywhere, Edward, Alice told me. I dont know if you can leave anymore. mobilise about it, she added silently. Think about leaving.I saw what she meant. Yes, the idea of never seeing the girl again waspainful.But it was also necessary. I couldnt sanction either future Id apparently condemned her to.Im not entirely sure of Jasper, Edward, Alice went on. If you leave, if he thinks shes a danger to usI dont hear that, I contradicted her, still only halfway aware of our audience. Jasper was wavering. He would not do something that would hurt Alice.Not right this moment. Will you risk her life, leave her undefended? why are you doing this to me? I groaned. My head fell into my hands. I was not Bellas protector. I could not be that. Wasnt Alices shared out future enough proof of that?I love her, too. Or I will. Its not the same, but I want her around for that. Love her, too? I whispered, incredulous.She sighed. You are so blind, Edward. Cant you see where youre headed?Cant you see where you already are? Its more inevitable than the sun rising in the east. See what I seeI shook my head, horrified. No. I tried to shut out the visions she revealed to me. I dont have to follow that course. Ill leave. I will change the future. You can try, she said, her voice skeptical.Oh, come on Emmett bellowed.Pay attention, Rose hissed at him. Alice sees him move for a human How classically Edward She made a gagging sound.I scarcely heard her.What? Emmett said, startled. Then his prosperous laugh echoed through the room. Is that whats been going on? He laughed again. Tough break, Edward.I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I shook it off absently. I couldnt pay attention to him.Fall for a human? Esme repeated in a stunned voice. For the girl he saved today? Fall in love with her?What do you see, Alice? Exactly , Jasper demanded.She turned toward him I continued to stare numbly at the side of her face.It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. all hell kill her himself she turned to meet my gaze again, glaring which would really irritate me, Edward, not to mention what it would do to you she faced Jasper again, or shell be one of us someday.Someone gasped I didnt look to see who.Thats not going to happen I was shouting again. Either oneAlice didnt seem to hear me. It all depends, she repeated. He may be just strong enough not to kill her but it will be close. It will take an amazing amount of control, she mused. more(prenominal) even than Carlisle has. He may be just strong enoughThe only thing hes not strong enough to do is stay away from her. Thats a lost cause. I couldnt find my voice. No one else seemed to be able to either. The room was still.I stared at Alice, and everyone else stared at me. I could see my own horrified expression from five different viewpoints.Afte r a long moment, Carlisle sighed.Well, thiscomplicates things.Ill say, Emmett agreed. His voice was still close to laughter. Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.I suppose the plans remain the same, though, Carlisle said thoughtfully. Well stay, and watch. Obviously, no one willhurt the girl.I stiffened.No, Jasper said quietly. I can agree to that. If Alice sees only two ways No My voice was not a shout or a growl or a cry of despair, but some combination of the three. NoI had to leave, to be away from the commotion of their thoughts Rosalies selfrighteous disgust, Emmetts humor, Carlisles never ending patienceWorse Alices confidence. Jaspers confidence in that confidence.Worst of all Esmesjoy.I stalk out of the room. Esme touched my arm as I passed, but I didnt acknowledge the gesture.I was caterpillar track before I was out of the house. I cleared the river in one bound, and raced into the forest. The rain was back again, locomote so heavily that I was drenched in a few moments. I liked the slurred sheet of water it made a wall between me and the rest of the world. It closed me in, let me be alone.I ran due east, over and through the mountains without breaking my straight course, until I could see the lights of Seattle on the other side of the sound. I stopped before I touched the borders of human civilization.Shut in by the rain, all alone, I finally made myself look at what I had done at the way I had mutilated the future.First, the vision of Alice and the girl with their arms around each other the trust and companionship was so obvious it shouted from the image. Bellas wide chocolate eyes were not bewildered in this vision, but still full of secrets in this moment, they seemed to be happy secrets. She did not flinch away from Alices cold arm.What did it mean? How much did she know? In that still-life moment from the future, what did she think of me?Then the other image, so much the same, yet now colored by horror. Alice and Bella, their arms still wrapped around each other in trusting friendship. But now there was no difference between those arms both were white, polish as marble, hard as steel. Bellas wide eyes were no longer chocolate. The irises were a shocking, vivid crimson. The secrets in them were unfathomable acceptance or desolation? It was impossible to tell. Her face was cold and immortal.I shuddered. I could not suppress the questions, similar, but different What did it mean how had this come about? And what did she think of me now?I could answer that last one. If I forced her into this empty half-life through my weakness and selfishness, surely she would hate me.But there was one more horrifying image worse than any image Id ever held inside my head.My own eyes, deep crimson with human blood, the eyes of the monster. Bellas broken body in my arms, ashy white, drained, lifeless. It was so concrete, so clear. I couldnt stand to see this. Could not bear it. I tried to banish it from my mind, tried to see something else, anything else. Tried to see again the expression on her living face that had obstructed my view for the last chapter of my existence. All to no avail. Alices bleak vision filled my head, and I writhed internally with the worrying it caused. Meanwhile, the monster in me was overflowing with glee, jubilant at the likelihood of his success. It sickened me.This could not be allowed. There had to be a way to circumvent the future. I would not let Alices visions direct me. I could choose a different path. There was always a choice.There had to be.